Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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