I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
