I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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