i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
