i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
