you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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