If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
