why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize