Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
