woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
