3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
