im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mouth tastes like poor choices
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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