too bad you live with your parents still
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
