i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
