I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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