end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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