I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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