i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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