my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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