She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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