she woke up with a sticky ear
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
