That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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