ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
