tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
