I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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