But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
