He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
