He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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