As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
