FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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