The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
