what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
whose parrot is this?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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