Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
