yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
