So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
