I hate your face
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
