Michael Bay diarrhea
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
