That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
