So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
