You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
