I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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