The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
