Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
