My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
