I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
