I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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