Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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