Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
