all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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