I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
